'Tis the season for family, friends and betting my ass off because I need a break from my family and friends.
The NFL slate for the upcoming holiday weekend is going to be epic.
With Christmas falling on a Monday, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be filled with joy … well, my kind of joy.
The kind where I have some (many) cocktails and bet on football in my pajamas.
Someone give me a #MomOfTheYear Award.
And am I going to your Christmas Eve holiday party where I have to wear a dumb sweater and bring a silly ornament for some stupid game only to find out there will be no football and the unnecessarily upbeat music of Mariah Carey making my ears bleed?
Ho ho ho, no.
You know who you are.
Stop asking me to come to your party. I can't do it. I won't do it. You're not my mom.
I get it, I really do. I love the holidays as much as anyone else.
But I also love my sanity, emotional well-being and personal space.
And cocktails. And NFL betting. And sometimes my kids.
And like 2.5 other people. Honestly, my husband sits right on the fence most of the time, so he makes up the .5.
Do you know what’s even better than the regular NFL? The ugly-weather holiday NFL.
I want all the windy, snowy and downright uninhabitable games that you can find. I’ll happily bet the hell out of them.
And when I do, I'll make a snowman and name it Sean Koerner, because I like prop bets and NOT because I'm secretly obsessed with him and his picks.
Nope. Not me. For sure.
[Looks around nervously]
Beautiful sunny day in Miami?
Give me the over and a longshot while Dak and Co. crumble like Aaron Rodgers' Achilles, Bill Belichick's career or Travis Kelce’s taste in women.
Omg guys, I'm just kidding! About the first one …
I love Rodgers and I would never say anything mean about him.
So with that, I'll be giving you my favorite bets of the holiday weekend, all jumbled up into a single, slightly confusing compilation.
And I’m going to pair them with my favorite winter cocktails so that you, too, can have a little chaos for yourselves.
Just think of me as Picasso, painting my gambling and boozing masterpiece.
Or maybe Latto, bringing you some Big St. Nick Energy.
NFL Christmas Eve Picks & Cocktail Pairings
*NFL odds as of Sunday morning
Packers vs. Panthers: Dontayvion Wicks Under 62.5 Receiving Yards
Don't tell anyone I gave you this bet, but it's one of the Action Network's NFL Prop Tool's, which is powered by Sean Koerner and the analytics team, favorite bets.
And in the spirit of being honest, I didn't even know who Wicks is playing for right now. Since Rodgers left the Packers, they have been persona non grata in my life.
Cocktail: Smoked Old Fashioned
This one is an oldie but a goodie. Add in the fact that it's one of Koerner's favorite drinks and I think it pairs well with a bet that I know nothing about, but it's one hill I'm still willing to die on.
Cowboys vs. Dolphins Under 48.5
I have spent DAYS following the weather of this game, and it's not looking great. As of the time of writing, there are 13-16 mph winds with gusts up to 23 mph as well.
The Cowboys are coming off one of their worst offensive games of the year, and the Dolphins are struggling with key injuries as well.
So I'm going to make like a bird and wing it.
Look, I know that's not how the saying goes, but it's one day before Christmas, and not only am I tired, I've got my fancy holiday anxiety sticking to me like glitter on a stripper.
Cocktail: Holiday Mimosa
The cranberry mimosa is one of my favorite go-to cocktail drinks because it's simple, delicious and the sour cranberry juice keeps it from being too sweet.
I've just added a couple of extra steps to make this even more delicious.
- 3 parts champagne
- 1 part cranberry juice
- 1 orange peel twist
- Splash of lime juice
- Rosemary sprig
Add champagne, cranberry juice, orange twist, splash of lime juice and gently stir. Then add rosemary sprig and fresh cranberries.
It's so pretty and festive.
Patriots (+7.5) vs. Broncos
Usually I wouldn't bet on the Patriots even if they were playing against Afghanistan. Just call me Charles Barkley.
But I couldn't resist getting the hook off the key number of +7. Good ole Belichick still runs a decent defense.
Forget everything I said about you earlier Billy B., you can do the walk of shame shirtless out of any Southie apartment you want. I won't judge.
Cocktail: Coquito
If you haven't had coquito before, I highly suggest you give it a try (assuming you're 21 years or older, of course). This rum-infused coconut drink is festive AF.
A friend of mine makes this from scratch and was nice enough to give me the recipe (you are the man, Joey).
His family is from Puerto Rico and make it every year for the holidays. But be warned, it's sneaky. My husband is still hungover from drinking this last Christmas.
- 1 can evaporated milk (12 ounces)
- 1 can sweetened condensed milk (14 ounces)
- 1 can cream of coconut (15 ounces)
- 1.5 cups white rum
- 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
*Combine all ingredients in blender and mix until incorporated. Pour into a sealable container and store in fridge. For best flavor, let sin in fridge for two weeks.
