On Thursday, Stoolies 'round the world rejoiced when they saw multiple Super Bowl prop bets get posted regarding Barstool Sports and its founder "El Presidente" Dave Portnoy.
As is generally the case, Portnoy made headlines after another entertaining appearance at Super Bowl Media Day that ended with him getting detained by security and charged with criminal trespassing. Later that night, PFT Commenter received similar treatment.
The big question now is who's next?
Next Barstool Employee To Be Apprehended By Authorities During Super Bowl 53 Week?
Let's break down the odds.
Feitelberg: +250
A long-time employee, Feits has already dealt with the long arm of the law (NFL) in his defense of the wall. One of the "Brady 4," Feitelberg spent a night in the slammer along with Portnoy, Gaz and Handsome Hank back when they handcuffed themselves to each other at NFL headquarters.
At +250, I see no value here. He's already done the crime and done the time. He has nothing to prove to his fearless leader.
Tommy Smokes: +300
Big-time Team Portnoy guy, Smokes would be the favorite if I were setting the odds. Tommy has done some ridiculousthings in his relatively brief career at Barstool, but has not built up a rap sheet like others have. He may just need to get busted as a rite of passage.
Big Cat: +400
His Pardon My Take co-host has already gotten the interrogation room treatment this week, but does that mean Big Cat is next in line? Probably not.
Big Cat hasn't really been a player in this NFL/Roger Goodell fiasco, probably because he's not a Patriots fan. I don't see him putting himself on the line unless there's a good reason behind it, and I'm having trouble thinking of one.
Young Pageviews AKA YP: +600
Another member of Team Portnoy and filmer of Stool Scenes, YP has a lot of value at +600 in my mind. I believe he would definitely risk getting busted if Davey Pageviews asked him to.
He could also be a collateral damage if Dave gets busted again and he's right there holding the camera. He's not a Pats fan, but he's a big time Dave guy, hence his name Young Pageviews.
Hank: +600
Early bettors grabbed Hank at +1000, seeing value in the handsome longshot. Seeing as he's already been busted with the rest of the Brady 4, 10-1 odds were too good to pass up. In my mind, the value is now gone, though.
His original arrest was in a different era, back before the company moved to New York. Handsome Hank was a young buck who would do anything for the company. Now, he has a solidified role as the Pardon My Take producer, and is not linked to Pres as much as he used to be.
One arrest is probably enough for him.
But what if someone calling themselves "Frannie Lydon" gets arrested, does Hank cash?
KFC: +700
KFC is the least likely of anyone listed in my opinion. He has enough on his plate as it is and has no reason whatsoever to get involved in this fiasco. He hates the Patriots, and pretty much hates Dave, too. He's not going to put himself in this fight.
Gaz: +800
Paul Gulczynski (aka Ga, aka Sales Guy) is the final Brady 4 member. Like Feitelberg, he is a long-time employee who has already paid his dues. I wouldn't blame anyone for taking him at this price just due to his wild card-esque nature, but I see him taking a back seat and letting a younger employee risk jail time.
Then again, some folks have called him out for acting like one of the young guys even though he's ~40, so who knows?
BONUS PROPS
Will Portnoy Be Apprehended By Authorities On Super Bowl LIII ? Yes +155, No -220
After his criminal trespassing charge, he is reportedly not allowed to go to the game even though he has a ticket. But … we're talking about Davey Pageviews here. He says he plans on going to the game and I believe him. He will at least attempt to get in, and could very well get past a random ticket-tearer, especially if he's in disguise again.
That doesn't exactly ensure he's in the clear, though. We're talking about NFL public enemy #1. He and his powder blue Goodell clown shirt will be spotted fairly quickly I reckon. Guys with ear pieces with those little telephone cords attached to them will be watching him through binoculars from the catwalks.
I think "yes" is a solid bet here given its plus-money payout. Though the NFL is unknowingly helping Barstool every time it gets him in trouble, it is probably going to bust him.
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Will Portnoy Attend Super Bowl Media Day In 2020? Yes -175, No +135
I don't want to doubt him, but it actually may be very difficult for El Pres to get into media day next year. I mean, it's honestly shocking that he was allowed in with his fake press pass and super fake mustache this year. You'd get better ID checks from a bouncer.
Supposedly, the NFL has stepped up its security game since the incident to ensure no more men in disguises get in. I expect it will do the same next year, as it is surely sick of Barstool and all of its employees.
At the end of the day, you don't want to tie up your money on this for an entire year. Bet on one of the other two props if you're going to bet on anything.
