Christi Walsh is an Action Network contributor who enjoys a side of sports betting with her typical snark.
With the 2023 Super Bowl quickly approaching, it's time to sit down and decide which bets I'm taking and the drinks I'm making (see what I did there?).
Why anyone tolerates me is a mystery.
This Super Bowl is a difficult one for me, as I don't have any personal skin in the game. I mean, I don't like the Eagles, but I don't particularly care much about the Chiefs either.
So, as far as I'm concerned, this is a game between coaches. Ya know, the Kool-Aid Man and Pee Wee Herman's stoned, slightly more attractive brother.
To be fair, I actually like Kool-Aid and do not, in fact, like Pee Wee Herman, so I guess we all know where I stand.
Props it is!
Super Bowl Picks & Cocktail Pairings
*Odds as of Friday
Super Bowl Coin Toss Pick & Pairing
My very first bet for the Super Bowl always seems to be the coin toss, and this year is no different.
I love having action on a game before the game even starts. And then I wonder why I'm filled with self-loathing and anxiety.
Hi, it's me. I'm the problem, it's me.
I'm going to start this hot-mess prop express in grand fashion. OK, maybe not grand fashion but … expected fashion? Mediocre fashion?
That sounds better.
Coin toss pick: Heads +100 (DraftKings)
That's it. Heads. No grand statement or link to some fancy, well-written article about expected value and such. (You know who you are … )
And with that early-morning bet, I'm going to need an early-morning drink to pair with it. I want something that sets the stage for more gambling, boozing and debauchery.
I have accepted who I am.
So what better way to get yourself ready for the Super Bowl and give yourself a little extra energy to make it through the whole game without passing out (from drinking or parenting, take your pick) than an espresso martini.
The espresso martini is one of my all-time favorite drinks.
Hungover? Espresso martini. Tired? Espresso martini. Kids wont stop fighting about blueberries? Espresso martini. Sad? Seven espresso martinis and a bottle of wine.
It’s basic math.
What’s even better about the espresso martini is its versatility. There are endless ways to make one, which means that almost any slightly-drunken lush can find the ingredients in their own pantry.
Have coffee, chocolate syrup and some form of cream? You can make it work.
Below is my favorite variant of the espresso martini. It's not super sweet, and the chocolate bitters give it a beautiful, smoky flavor.
- Vodka
- Espresso
- Coffee
- Milk
- 2 drops of chocolate bitters
- Simple syrup
For the vodka, I always go with Tito’s, which is a favorite in the Walsh household. And the simple syrup can easily be made with a 1:1 ratio right before making the martini.
I like to brew my espresso the day before and add it to the vodka, letting it sit in the fridge overnight.
Espresso-infused vodka is life.
*Fun game: Add a floater if your 4-year-old asks, "Why does a mommy even need a computer?" which happened to me while writing this beauty.
Super Bowl Octopus Pick & Pairing
I'm going to go ahead and warn you, this is a doozy.
When PJ Walsh recommended that I do an octopus, I was like, "Oh, right now? In your office?"
The side-eye I then received made it clear that he was talking about a bet. Sigh.
In betting, an octopus is a situation where a player scores a touchdown and also scores the subsequent two-point conversion.
According to the Action Network's Avery Yang, there have been only 168 instances of octopi in the NFL since 1994, when the two-point conversion was introduced.
But alas, who could say no an octopus? Whether an intriguing sex position or a bet, I'm in, especially at that price.
Will there be an octopus?: Yes +1400 (DraftKings)
I bet you're thinking I'm going to pair an inappropriate drink with the octopus — something like a sex on the beach.
But I'm not a broke 22-year-old with no taste buds, so let's all put our big kid pants on and find something a little better, like the prickly pear margarita.
In 2019, AZCentral.com ranked the prickly pear margarita as Arizona's most popular drink. Apparently, the governor signed a bill to make lemonade the official state drink of Arizona.
Folks were not too happy and said no thanks, give me some booze instead. I wholeheartedly agree.
The prickly pear cactus is a staple in the Southwest, especially in the dry, desert climate of Arizona.
When added to a margarita, it can create a wide range of flavors from super sweet, to extra sour. Click this link for an easy classic prickly pear margarita to go along with your weirdest bet of the day.
Super Bowl First Timeout Pick & Pairing
My final, yet most important, bet of the Super Bowl has some actual substance, which is funny since, you know, I'm me.
But I obviously can't take credit. The Action Network's Sean Koerner wrote a great article about this and I'm going to follow his lead.
Team to take the first timeout pick: Chiefs -120 (BetMGM)
Since this is one of Koerner's top bets for the Super Bowl, I figured I would go right to the source and find out what his favorite drink is.
Turns out, Koerner enjoys the smoked old fashioned.
If you have fancy pants and a cocktail smoker, click this link for an easy smoked old fashioned.
If not, just order one at the bar and enjoy.
And before I go, if you're jonesing for a tasty snack to pair with all of these delightfully ridiculous bets and drinks, I recommend the Arizona cheese crisp, a local favorite.
